I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
