Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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