Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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