i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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