Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize