Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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