Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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