Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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