why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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