I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
