She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
