Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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