I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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