i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
