She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
