dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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