How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to calm my uterus...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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