My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
