Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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