I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
