i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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