The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
