Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize