nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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