I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
