He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
