I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize