im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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