You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I faked an abortion last night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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