Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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