Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
