He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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