Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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