if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
