I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
