Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize