how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
