apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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