I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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