I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
