what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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