my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
