I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
