**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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