Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
