Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
