Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
