you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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