made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
