And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i came on her dog
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize