so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize