that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Me too!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
