Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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