So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
