Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
