i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
