I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
