He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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