It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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