You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize