Got a toothbrush?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
