Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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