im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
