70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
