I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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