he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
