Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I believe in your delicious
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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