I didn't shave. On purpose
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
