Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this will be a night to untag.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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