Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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