Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
