Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
