She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
