i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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