I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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