No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
